whatever I love you

by Esoteric Tapioca

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1.
anyone who's ever met you just falls in love with you they think they're really gonna get you oh, the hoops you've got 'em jumpin' through always the same - another game you really are that cool I can't complain, it's such a shame: I'm just another fool anyone who's ever met you just falls in love with you I often wish I could forget you. If you're real, I wish I never knew. aways the same - another game you really are that cool I can't complain, it's such a shame: I'm just another fool anyone who's ever met you just falls in love with you And they would worship and protect you, if you'd only let them get through. aways the same - another game you really are that cool I can't complain, it's such a shame: I'm just another fool.. to you.
2.
eft up 02:17
you're not allowed to watch tv it's made you turn away from me I'm thinking of my hand/your face I miss you when I masturbate I feel like my heart is not really a heart at all I hear it only when I fall I want you to stay to see that I don't fuck it up if can I even fuck at all I saw you on the street today you turned and looked the other way I'm not a goddamned parasite the shit you do - it's not polite I feel like the score is not really that hard to call so why the fuck am I appalled I wish you could see the way am am inside my skull 'cause I ain't really all that dull you've got important things to do I won't be spending time with you you're busy with your school and work no time to spend fucking a jerk and I feel like a heart is not really that hard at all I hear it only when I fall I want you to stay and see if I don't fuck up if I can even fuck at all
3.
when you're with me, I'm really not myself you seem to be in love with someone else it's not so hard to see why that might be the ones you love are nothing like me when you're around, I'm never thirsty when I'm with you I act absurdly it's not so hard to see why that might be the ones you love are nothing like me I love my life, but it could be better the girl I love, I'll never get her It's not so hard to see why that might be the ones she loves are nothing like me
4.
ought 02:28
I'll show you all where you ought to be I put my soul where my heart should be I give it all and its all for free I take the fall like the taller trees I'll close my mouth and count out to three I put the loud where the sound should be I'll make the call to the holy see I'll put the jest in the majesty I take the cast of the mask you need I make my task what I want to be I break the clouds just to rain on me I take the dive to the deepest sea I'll take your ache - move the pain on me I'll take the sting from the meanest bee I'm staying out like an absentee I'm soaking in like a new trainee I'll take your mind on a timeless spree I'll make my rhyme start to make you see
5.
watch me 01:33
You want a soul? I'll sell you one if I can find a soul to sell. I'll surely tell you, if when a soul should come along - you'll get the call, I'll sell them all, I'll go through hell too. the mysteries will blister me my head will freeze you're hands and knees its stupid easy, watch me right when your soulless shell came in, I knew the stink of sin, and said, "hey, here comes consumer," and when I stick my lenses in, you simpletons wanting the in - you think you'll get in? the histories the scissored keys the mirror leads the wearer sees, its stupid easy watch me You mothers soaking up your suns, you've drawn the gun, and sapped the fun, we're done, delivered You've gone and granted evil ones total control - you set the whole tone, the veil is lifted The murder scenes - the babies scream - the tattered seams. manifest dreams! its stupid easy, watch me.
6.
build up 01:52
they'll stand you up right before they stare you down and when and if you do wake up you won't feel you missed that much they'll build you up right before they break you down the benefit of beating blood is a better fit for being loved unfold your arms you have nothing hard to hide even if your plans are worn you admit your hands are warm if these fleeting thoughts reach you when I'm hard to find I just want to do my part I know I can't have your heart
7.
I kind of hope that you don't think It's creepy that when you aren't kissing me, I think about us kissing The sound our lips make when we get so sleepy I think you've got the rythm that I must be missing and you don't have to say anything you don't have to do anything If you don't mind then that's just fine with me I say the things I think most people leave at thinking but you're the perfect reason for exploiting all my feelings I realize I sound like someone who's been drinking but I don't need a drink- you get my whole mind reeling and you don't have to say anything you don't have to do anything If you don't mind then that's just fine with me and you don't have to say anything you don't have to do anything If you go blind then that's just fine with me If you don't die then that's just fine
8.
even though the symptoms are the same, we compensate in different ways. I'll put it all out there anyway, 'cause I know it's worth the fucking wait. even if I speak, what can I say? I'd rather weep than keep it safe. yeah, you should leave - why would you wait? that's what I reap for being brave. I hope the end is coming the buildings will be crumbling it'll all fall apart 'cause when the world is ending you can stop pretending that you still have a heart. if I could breathe, I'd be okay; but when you're near me, I get the shakes. I'll turn either cheek, what will it take to get what I seek: the perfect shape? even though our symptoms are the same, we compensate in different ways. I'll put it all out there anyway, 'cause I know you're worth the fucking wait.
9.
heart's hitting the roof its a strange place for endings you got a tattoo when I left the pretending it's not like I mind, and of course I want to see you we're two of a kind, but babe I could never be you you won't go home - can't sleep alone without your one track mind I don't want to tell you no I got a one track mind a one track mind take it slow - we can take our time you got a one track mind a one track mind if you seek,well you might just find you got a one track mind a one track mind have a drink, baby, whats your sign? I got a one track mind a one track mind you showed up in the nick of time with your one track your one track mind you won't go home - can't sleep alone without your one track mind I don't want to tell you no I got a one track mind a one track mind
10.
calendar 02:23
you'd pay any price you wouldn't think twice to sell out your friends to be a part you looked pretty nice you wasted my time your heart isn't hung like a calendar your solitude is over due your better part's your attitude you came across like your a jerk and now you want this thing to work? you baited your lies like sticky to flies you made up your mind to lose it all you set off to trade the person you made for a couple of days to prove you'll fall
11.
I don't feel as tall when I'm looking up and see it's sunny someone's bound to fall, sure, the road gets hard if you keep running its always someones fault sure, it's fine to laugh when its not funny I just feel it all and I know you're bright I see your stunning. I'm offering my sleeve (it's a little cluttered) I don't quite believe if I'm really here - are you really real? You aren't here at all, but will you respond if I keep talking? I'd rather snore alone, then to trip and fall at night sleep walking. you don't have to call, I can talk to you in my head making you up as I fall. Its the purity that I keep shaking. you don't have to call you don't have to call you don't have to call
12.
we all need our validations lewdly posing selfish rations through the portal of your lenses showing off the the thing you think you fear I've been telling you for years that I will love you more than he will ever hope to know because my darling, I am standing here, next to you. breathing in the air around you touching you. loving you the things he'll never do. he will never do. I have made my preparations, and you've dumped out your libations not the same as you once lied when half asleep half drunk half died when I found out I wasted all my breath confessing how I've never felt a oneness when it's there it's worth the other hellishness you hide next to you. breathing in the air around you touching you. loving you the things he'll never do. he will never do.
13.
clouds 00:55
when I see one floating by, I'll think of you, emit a sigh and I'll hold your memory as high as cirrocumulative types in the fog you leave behind a mist that is so pure and fine and it's covered every thought that I keep dormant in my selfish mind and I'm sorry, oh, am I sorry.
14.
at 17 02:01
at seventeen, while I still had the scent of jesus on me you should've seen me try to mark my territory boundaries now look at me, and tell me you're prepared for something better my stupid dreams just ceased to be now so it doesn't matter and, to appease, thieves things keep pouring out my sleeves I sing to see forgotten dreams I used to use to make me who I need to be at seventeen, you only think you know what you'll be doing you never learn to see inside to shake the hand you're screwing and as you age, the dirty filter you look through gets rotten another page to diagnose the many ills you've gotten and, to appease, thieves things keep pouring out my sleeves I sing to see forgotten dreams I used to use to make me who I need to be
15.
disclaimers 02:34
I said my farewells and I set out to making my way toward the west I put on my gloves and my hat and 3 layers and you know the rest It's never been easy the homesickly feeling that makes me depressed but heart's where the home is, and I won't be lonely I've made it with less There may be a million more miles to travel before I can safely decide to unravel and put up my feet by the fire and take off my shoes for a spell and find the desire to stay in one place I call home in this hell and bid a warm welcome to whomever finds their way into my walls for now I'm just happy to spend my time waving goodbye to them all There may be a million more miles to travel before I can plant my feet firm in the gravel I know why you told me to leave my heart home when I come to your arms you don't want me getting uptight or upset when you turn off your charms I've known from the start, so it's not like you needed disclaimers at all what hurts is the part that you've planned in advance not to let yourself fall
16.
white light 02:05
tiny little white slivers of light spinning around you when I hear you when I'm near tiny slivers of white light the likes which I've never seen, I've never been so happy in my high life I've never been so full of something I can't say I know I've never felt so loved for what I am you've given me another name to say.
17.
head to feet 01:22
when we first met, it was more than skipped beats - the chill came in waves, from my head to my feet though I knew right away you were out of my reach. my one perfect match isn't perfect for me. I'm more alive, now I know you exist, although part of me died when I found out the twist all the right things about you - too many to list though I can't ever have it, I know what love is.
18.
swim down 01:23
this city's streets are layered with the wasted let downs pointless crumbled emptiness it's all just too run down lets go start a fire lets go burn it down we'll call each other liar and tie these nooses all around our necks swim down until we drown until the sirens are the only sound I know I sound defeatest I'm prob'ly spacing out I guess I really haven't noticed how its phased me. wow. I'll go brew some coffee I might go smoke a butt I might go in the bathroom, grab a razor, pick a vein and cut swim down until I drown until the sirens are the only sound
19.
you go on down to your palace and I am the clown while you play pretend there were angels and demons and the mystical shadows they're shouded in you were dreamin' out loud again tell me oh, tell me please, how's it end I'm just thinking aloud old friend, please let me know when you want to spend time with your flesh and your soul and your heart time is the one thing that keeps us apart. so I'm writing it down today, take what you want to, I've had my say all the the times that I'm thinking of the drunk fool confesses to his true love I can't help it, it's all I know, I hear you shrugging now, even though I'm not trying to keep you still, the bees that once buzzed will lay silent till time with your flesh and your soul and your heart time is the one thing that keeps us apart.
20.
It keeps me up when I'm alone and your asleep you could be right here in my arms and still be out of reach I'm sure there's lots of people just like this I still can't understand just what my fucking problem is why can't you see that what you need is me If you have to leave, would you leave with me I don't want to believe that you think you need to be with someone who doesn't want to make you happy you turn it on and shut it off at will your wrist has got an order that I need to fill It's pointless chasing fruitless fantasy you'll never understand just what you mean to me why can't you see that what you need is me If you have to leave, would you leave with me I don't want to believe that you think you need to be with someone who doesn't want to make you happy why can't you see that what you need is me If you have to leave, why don't you leave with me It's just that I believe that you deserve to be with someone who only wants to make you happy.
21.
the way 02:08
it's fairly clear that you wanted to be here. you mixed up black and white and now you see that gray. there's lots to fear, but never when I am near. I'll never let you come to ever be that way. I don't feel lost. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. you're always there in my thoughts, whenever I'm alone. you have a way. you always know what to say. you make me spend every day in such a warmer tone. it's very dark inside the space you once kept a heart, and it's never easy to start when see that way. it's such a lark - your bite is worse than your bark. I can't believe you won't let yourself see me that way. I don't feel lost. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. you're always there in my thoughts whenever I'm alone. you got away. you always know what to say. you make me spend every day in such a warmer tone.
22.
a good touch 01:23
how you make your decisions isn't simple, you want something new sure you have your misgivings you don't mind them, they're OK by you if you want a reaction well this is one, and I hope you hear if I'm just a distraction, our attraction isn't worth a tear and I thought I felt warm rays of shining golden light upon me but that's stupid, and of course I know it's only coming from me. If I thought you were perfect, well I'm sorry, I guess I was wrong but I guess it was worth it you'll regret it, when you hear this song girl my heart is a diamond but it's coarse and see - the cut is rough and I know when to tell you though you've obviously had enough and I thought I felt warm rays of shining golden light upon me but that's stupid, and of course I know it's only coming from me.
23.
I'm not very strong and not very smart I wrote you this song I guess that's a start I like when you talk I like how you see where ever you are 'swhere I want to be I'm doing okay my thinking is clear but when you're away I wish you were here you want me to leave, I want you to stay you'll never believe what I have to say you do what you have to I do what I love to you do what you want to whatever, I love you.

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released January 1, 2009

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Esoteric Tapioca Chicago

My name is Mark. This is my music project. I live in Chicago and play shows around town at galleries and cafes and basements and lofts and ballrooms and communes. I make all this music myself. Sometimes people help me too. All the songs are written and recorded by me. I hope you like it. ... more

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