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by Esoteric Tapioca

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1.
I'm not giving in I like how I fall It's almost real - see, If you squint - well, we look almost together built a transparent cage guilt hidden away and if you look me in the eye, well, you might see right through me but theres always the bars theres always my car I'm 25 my mama told me do whatever I want to and I'll never give in, not too proud to lie I'd rather heat an empty cauldron that I'm stirring for no one jesus christ give up the game - you're the only one playin' what the fuck - it's a mystery how you think you know what you're saying' jesus christ give up the game - youre the only one losin' what the fuck - it's a mystery that you still don't know what youre doin'
2.
you won't see coverage on TV of FEMA death-camp-factories don't you know we're on a list red, blue, gold, green - you get the gist keep watching in fear what terror will we face this year? relinquish your lives and hand over your eyes boo hoo hoo you think you are worth one small bit? your voice just isn't worth a shit you vote, and preen, and watch C-SPAN but no one really knows their plan keep watching in fear what terror will we face this year? relinquish your pride and hand over your eyes boo hoo hoo you see, we're on a sunken ship you think I could make up this shit? these times are scary (so they say) don't let those shadows have their way keep watching in fear the terrorism of the year relinquish your pride and hand over your rights boo hoo hoo
3.
In this world if you can think you get sent to the grocery where they'll stuff you fat and full you'll feel the pull you know is evil you cannot hide the love to lie and plead them not to leave you you cannot leave your lover's side expecting them to see you tell them that you're fine tell them that you're fine In this world if you can think you get sent to the pharmacy where they'll give you things to help to ease the hurt you know is evil and you can't tell them that you're fine because they won't believe you they want to steal your soul and mind and make you we the people tell them that you're fine tell them that you're fine
4.
lull 02:32
I left the light at an all time low I was making up for the slow, dry lull well you know, oh, I'm not pacing the halls anymore cutting out all those tales of woe a running start to a screaching crawl well you know, oh, that I don't feel alone anymore I traded love for the lonely road and I skipped ideals for more selfish goals and I know, oh, that I'm paying for all that I owe left the light at an all time low running start to a sreaching crawl you should know, oh, that I don't put up walls anymore
5.
forcast pain, make plans for fear the apple don't fall far from here and through and through and through you'll lie awake and watch the stars move by as if, somehow, their gentle gleam could wake you up, were it a dream you'll see the real in wolfish faces stolen snow in frozen basements you'll build a wall that you will lay with blushing bricks of hardened clay 'cause lambs are safe - their wool is thick, and blinds their eyes and ears to it stock to feed a swollen belly served up hot, with green jelly times are tough, and things are weird and roads are rough, and rings are feared now, all is said and all is done you'll have your time out in the sun you'll travel near, you'll travel far, but you'll come back to where you are you'll build a wall that you will lay with blushing bricks of hardened clay 'cause lambs are safe - their wool is thick, and blinds their eyes and ears to it
6.
all the time spent hangin' out, you were all I'd think about and when I saw you at your work, or hangin' out with other jerks I only thought that I might be a better person, naturally, to make a world that we would share - you could fit in anywhere you went and did some stupid stuff, but that does not remove a love that lasted through so many years and now I've given up my tears but I still have a secret place, where I remember your sweet face a time that I committed in my memories, I fit them in because I knew that it was flawed, 'cause nothing lasts - there is no god but in a secret place I keep fake memories of you and me
7.
love, you aren't fooling anyone we all see you when you run run right out love, I'm too young to go without and too old to figure out how to keep you around so I'm changing how I think about how I deal with self and doubt hear me out and so, when I sing you off to sleep and you dream, please dream of me dream out loud love is the only thing I need, and it lives inside of me do you see now?
8.
to-do list 01:55
I'll lick the postage stamp two or three times too many while thinking about how postage stamp glue has the most underrated taste And imagine making a documentary short film all about it look around my room disapprovingly thinking about all the time I waste I wrote this song from guilt due to that little fact among many and call me a simpleton but three chords make up some of my favorite songs I'll see my girl when she gets off work and tell her all about it probably sing the whole thing off key but she'll love it anyway and we'll get it on later we might travel to a live puppet theater 'cause we always only do just what we want you know - the kind with stilts and shit they used to put on in that place we went that time we got lost in vermont we might pick up a six-pack of 8.9% beer or better drink like three of them before we leave and then end up just staying in watching like half a film streamed off one web site or another smoke about a pack of cigarettes and then probably get it on again I'll scrounge around the house for about half an hour later before giving up altogether and settling for something you can be sure I'll regret I ate if I ever somehow manage to get all my shit together I'll write a long non-fiction novel about some of the benefits of being late later we might travel to a live puppet theater 'cause we always only do just what we want you know - the kind with stilts and shit they used to put on in that place we went that time we got high in vermont
9.
even if you find them half appealing there's no saying that you have to see them they keep on calling you up half asleep and they keep biting off the hands that feed them and you don't have to let it show but I'm telling you I know you got everything they find appealing yeah you got attributes stacked to the ceiling but you just isn't feelin' what they feedin' these jokers got your head spun mind is reeling and you don't have to let it show but I'm telling you I know even if this is the lover's season you don't have to let it keep you dealin' with people who will use you lifeless leachin' yeah you don't need a lover love's a feeling and you don't have to let it show but I'm telling you I know
10.
atrophy 01:39
pollen hollyhocks and honey just the black and yellow-sunny you don't make them plain or course no ones stories are good as yours saving every string for strumming lead bricks never will be money joke's on me but it's not funny just in time - my nose was runny I'll be the large dog at your feet I'll keep your limbs from atrophy bark at all the bitter thieves guard you from the ones like me I always throw my coat, of course for puddle jumpers stoned or worse look at all the time we're wasting talking tall ones testing tasting we could be making horror movies singing, hugging, shaking booty memories that last forever but I won't flinch when you say never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever
11.
switch 02:03
I get confused when I consider all the ways things ought to be I'm not the only one who's bitter about the things that I don't see It's disconcerting - the routines we put together lead nowhere if I can find a happy ending - well, I'll tell you when I'm there I made a list of all the folks I love - the people who love me I know I'm very blessed and lucky for my friends and family all I can say is that the people that you meet - they make life rich and you can turn off your bad thoughts and your bad feelings like a switch and if you open up your mind and heart and let it all inside you might get lost on all your travels, but the journey's worth the ride I made a list of all the folks I love - the people who love me I know I'm very blessed and lucky for my friends and family know what matters and who counts and who to keep right by your side don't get the petty qualms and quarrels keep you walled-up in your pride and if you ever need a shoulder or a hand to lift you up I'll be right by to take the weight off, tip my bottle, fill your cup I made a list of all the folks I love - the people who love me I know I'm very blessed and lucky for my friends and family
12.
dying sun 02:34
heart of black I've got no reason to continue looking back it's so easy to withdraw from the attack with no excuses to make up for what I lack if the world is ending dying sun I don't care I've found my one I don't care I've found the one I need who helps me germinate a basic primal seed you help me toss aside my jealousy and greed and in a crowd, well, you're the only one I see the world is ending dying sun and I know now what's to come but I don't care I've found the one I love and it's the people that you love that make you up they help you realize who you are and will become the force you place into your life will make it run the world is ending dying sun I don't care I found my one I don't care I found the one I don't care I found my one
13.
I feel like I just lost my best friend 'cause I read your post on your blog today it made me sad inside 'cause I feel like I might be the guy in it I am crying and it sucks to be me right now wishing I was free of this internet-discovery-network-friends-list-misfits-going-wherever-they-please but no one forgets what they see
14.
no talking 01:46
are you awake right now it doesn't look like it it doesn't sound like it it doesn't seem like it this is real look at me please put your phone away this is something is this something? I don't know what to say there's no talking can't stop staring don't even ask me how this is real don't you see are you awake right now it doesn't look like it it doesn't sound like it it doesn't seem like it shit
15.
you're alive 02:01
well we always have a nice time but imagine how nice we could find the lie that we're living when we start enlisting our minds as a guide love is a nice thing to show it seems that it makes the heart grow so stop condescending behind-back-offending the ones we don't know please darling, open your eyes there's a light that you'll see if you try the light isn't bright but you'll see it when you realize you're alive

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released February 1, 2012

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Esoteric Tapioca Chicago

My name is Mark. This is my music project. I live in Chicago and play shows around town at galleries and cafes and basements and lofts and ballrooms and communes. I make all this music myself. Sometimes people help me too. All the songs are written and recorded by me. I hope you like it. ... more

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