single player

by Esoteric Tapioca

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01:46
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released February 1, 2012

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about

Esoteric Tapioca Chicago

My name is Mark. This is my music project. I live in Chicago and play shows around town at galleries and cafes and basements and lofts and ballrooms and communes. I make all this music myself. Sometimes people help me too. All the songs are written and recorded by me. I hope you like it. ... more

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Track Name: single player
I'm not giving in
I like how I fall
It's almost real - see, If you squint - well, we look almost together
built a transparent cage
guilt hidden away
and if you look me in the eye, well, you might see right through me
but theres always the bars
theres always my car
I'm 25 my mama told me do whatever I want to
and I'll never give in, not too proud to lie
I'd rather heat an empty cauldron that I'm stirring for no one

jesus christ give up the game - you're the only one playin'
what the fuck - it's a mystery how you think you know what you're saying'
jesus christ give up the game - youre the only one losin'
what the fuck - it's a mystery that you still don't know what youre doin'
Track Name: keep watching
you won't see coverage on TV
of FEMA death-camp-factories
don't you know we're on a list
red, blue, gold, green - you get the gist
keep watching in fear
what terror will we face this year?
relinquish your lives
and hand over your eyes
boo hoo hoo
you think you are worth one small bit?
your voice just isn't worth a shit
you vote, and preen, and watch C-SPAN
but no one really knows their plan
keep watching in fear
what terror will we face this year?
relinquish your pride
and hand over your eyes
boo hoo hoo
you see, we're on a sunken ship
you think I could make up this shit?
these times are scary (so they say)
don't let those shadows have their say
keep watching in fear
the terrorism of the year
relinquish your pride
and hand over your lives
boo hoo hoo
Track Name: we the people
In this world if you can think you get sent to the grocery where they'll stuff you fat and full
you'll feel the pull you know is evil
you cannot hide the love to lie and plead them not to leave you
you cannot leave your lover's side expecting them to see you
tell them that you're fine
tell them that you're fine
In this world if you can think you get sent to the pharmacy where they'll give you things to help to ease the hurt you know is evil
and you can't tell them that you're fine because they won't believe you
they want to steal your soul and mind and make you we the people
tell them that you're fine
tell them that you're fine
Track Name: lull
I left the light at an all time low
I was making up for the slow, dry lull
well you know, oh, I'm not pacing the halls anymore

cutting out all those tales of woe
a running start to a screaching crawl
well you know, oh, that I don't feel alone anymore

I traded love for the lonely road
and I skipped ideals for more selfish goals
and I know, oh, that I'm paying for all that I owe

left the light at an all time low
running start to a sreaching crawl
you should know, oh, that I don't put up walls anymore
Track Name: frozen basements
forcast pain, make plans for fear
the apple don't fall far from here
and through and through and through
you'll lie awake and watch the stars move by
as if, somehow, their gentle gleam
could wake you up, were it a dream
you'll see the real in wolfish faces
stolen snow in frozen basements
you'll build a wall that you will lay with blushing bricks of hardened clay
'cause lambs are safe - their wool is thick, and blinds their eyes and ears to it
stock to feed a swollen belly
served up hot, with green jelly
times are tough, and things are weird
and roads are rough, and rings are feared
now, all is said and all is done
you'll have your time out in the sun
you'll travel near, you'll travel far,
but you'll come back to where you are
you'll build a wall that you will lay with blushing bricks of hardened clay
'cause lambs are safe - their wool is thick, and blinds their eyes and ears to it
Track Name: fake memories
all the time spent hangin' out, you were all I'd think about
and when I saw you at your work, or hangin' out with other jerks
I only thought that I might be a better person, naturally,
to make a world that we would share - you could fit in anywhere
you went and did some stupid stuff, but that does not remove a love that lasted through so many years
and now I've given up my tears
but I still have a secret place, where I remember your sweet face
a time that I committed in my memories, I fit them in because I knew that it was flawed, 'cause nothing lasts - there is no god
but in a secret place I keep fake memories of you and me
Track Name: do you see now
love, you aren't fooling anyone
we all see you when you run
run right out
love, I'm too young to go without
and too old to figure out how to keep you around
so I'm changing how I think about
how I deal with self and doubt
hear me out
and so, when I sing you off to sleep
and you dream, please dream of me
dream out loud
love is the only thing I need,
and it lives inside of me
do you see now?
Track Name: to-do list
I'll lick the postage stamp two or three times too many while thinking about how postage stamp glue has the most underrated taste
And imagine making a documentary short film all about it
look around my room disapprovingly thinking about all the time I waste
I wrote this song from guilt due to that little fact among many and call me a simpleton but three chords make up some of my favorite songs
I'll see my girl when she gets off work and tell her all about it
probably sing the whole thing off key but she'll love it anyway and we'll get it on

later we might travel to a live puppet theater 'cause we always only do just what we want
you know - the kind with stilts and shit they used to put on in that place we went that time we got lost in vermont

we might pick up a six-pack of 8.9% beer or better
drink like three of them before we leave and then end up just staying in
watching like half a film streamed off one web site or another
smoke about a pack of cigarettes and then probably get it on again
I'll scrounge around the house for about half an hour later before giving up altogether and settling for something you can be sure I'll regret I ate
if I ever somehow manage to get all my shit together
I'll write a long non-fiction novel about some of the benefits of being late

later we might travel to a live puppet theater 'cause we always only do just what we want
you know - the kind with stilts and shit they used to put on in that place we went that time we got high in vermont
Track Name: love's a feeling
even if you find them half appealing
there's no saying that you have to see them
they keep on calling you up half asleep
and they keep biting off the hands that feed them
and you don't have to let it show
but I'm telling you I know
you got everything they find appealing
yeah you got attributes stacked to the ceiling
but you just isn't feelin' what they feedin'
these jokers got your head spun
mind is reeling
and you don't have to let it show
but I'm telling you I know
even if this is the lover's season
you don't have to let it keep you dealin'
with people who will use you
lifeless leachin'
yeah you don't need a lover
love's a feeling
and you don't have to let it show
but I'm telling you I know
Track Name: atrophy
pollen hollyhocks and honey
just the black and yellow-sunny
you don't make them plain or course
no ones stories are good as yours
saving every string for strumming
lead bricks never will be money
joke's on me but it's not funny
just in time - my nose was runny
I'll be the large dog at your feet
I'll keep your limbs from atrophy
bark at all the bitter thieves
guard you from the ones like me
I always throw my coat, of course
for puddle jumpers stoned or worse
look at all the time we're wasting
talking tall ones testing tasting
we could be making horror movies
singing, hugging, shaking booty
memories that last forever
but I won't flinch when you say never
ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever
Track Name: switch
I get confused when I consider all the ways things ought to be
I'm not the only one who's bitter about the things that I don't see
It's disconcerting - the routines we put together lead nowhere
if I can find a happy ending - well, I'll tell you when I'm there
I made a list of all the folks I love - the people who love me
I know I'm very blessed and lucky for my friends and family
all I can say is that the people that you meet - they make life rich
and you can turn off your bad thoughts and your bad feelings like a switch
and if you open up your mind and heart and let it all inside
you might get lost on all your travels, but the journey's worth the ride
I made a list of all the folks I love - the people who love me
I know I'm very blessed and lucky for my friends and family
know what matters and who counts and who to keep right by your side
don't get the petty qualms and quarrels keep you walled-up in your pride
and if you ever need a shoulder or a hand to lift you up
I'll be right by to take the weight off, tip my bottle, fill your cup
I made a list of all the folks I love - the people who love me
I know I'm very blessed and lucky for my friends and family
Track Name: dying sun
heart of black
I've got no reason to continue looking back
it's so easy to withdraw from the attack
with no excuses to make up for what I lack
if the world is ending
dying sun
I don't care
I've found my one
I don't care I've found the one I need
who helps me germinate a basic primal seed
you help me toss aside my jealousy and greed
and in a crowd, well, you're the only one I see
the world is ending
dying sun
and I know now what's to come
but I don't care I've found the one I love
and it's the people that you love that make you up
they help you realize who you are and will become
the force you place into your life will make it run
the world is ending
dying sun
I don't care
I found my one
I don't care
I found the one
I don't care
I found my one
Track Name: on your blog today
I feel like I just lost my best friend 'cause I read your post on your blog today it made me sad inside 'cause I feel like I might be the guy in it I am crying and it sucks to be me right now wishing I was free of this internet-discovery-network-friends-list-misfits-going-wherever-they-please but no one forgets what they see
Track Name: no talking
are you awake right now
it doesn't look like it
it doesn't sound like it
it doesn't seem like it
this is real
look at me
please put your phone away
this is something
is this something?
I don't know what to say
there's no talking
can't stop staring
don't even ask me how
this is real
don't you see
are you awake right now
it doesn't look like it
it doesn't sound like it
it doesn't seem like it
shit
Track Name: you're alive
well we always have a nice time
but imagine how nice we could find
the lie that we're living
when we start enlisting our minds as a guide
love is a nice thing to show
it seems that it makes the heart grow
so stop condescending
behind-back-offending
the ones we don't know
please darling, open your eyes
there's a light that you'll see if you try
the light isn't bright but you'll see it when you realize you're alive