even out

by Esoteric Tapioca

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

      $5 USD  or more

     

1.
02:26
2.
02:16
3.
02:26
4.
5.
01:31
6.
01:39
7.
02:22
8.
02:35
9.
01:58
10.
01:28
11.
01:58
12.
02:20
13.
02:11
14.
02:03
15.
16.
01:57
17.
18.
19.
20.
03:07
21.
01:32
22.
02:12
23.

about

Recorded over the course of several years, even out is the product of one man's headfirst blind descent into extremely introverted songwriting, and primarily addresses the all-too common themes of love and loss, insecurity and jealousy, despair and lust, drinking too much, anticipation, hope, longing, and working in the food-service industry. All that type of shit. It's the kind of album that jocky broh doods will secretly cry to when they're alone and young teenage girls accidentally crash their cars listening to. If you don't like it, well, tell your enemies.

credits

released January 1, 2007

Mark Z. Ciarleglio - everything

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Esoteric Tapioca Chicago

My name is Mark. This is my music project. I live in Chicago and play shows around town at galleries and cafes and basements and lofts and ballrooms and communes. I make all this music myself. Sometimes people help me too. All the songs are written and recorded by me. I hope you like it. ... more

contact / help

Contact Esoteric Tapioca

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Track Name: canfed
get back up at the bar, get your card and spend
head splits, waking up, dawn's gone - it came and went
when did heartlessness, headaches
become an art
the bar scene's leaving me wanting the martyr's part
callow, the shedding of cardless decks
odds are the gamble is all you'll get
dogs called in for the slaughter - the lambs are dead
wine falls faster than water - the plans are met
cart in all of your mall-fare, the canfed hens
kill off all the connections, the wives and friends
callow, the shedding of cardless decks
odds are the gamble is all you'll get
so climb back into your sauna, sir feed-bag mouth
you can't see past your erection, beguiled from doubt
killed that king on your cloud, yeah
the trumpets rust
soft, white, spongy - too proud to cut off your crust
callow, the shedding of cardless decks
odds are the gamble is all you'll get
Track Name: even out
being torn apart will make me harder than you are
but it's no use
you'll do what you're gonna do
and holidays will make you matter as you age
but there's a truth
and it's right outside your view
then there's the rain that only falls when you're away
and it's so cold
it feels colder when you're old
and I know I'm stubborn, selfish, proud
with you I even out
but you're leavin' now
then there's the pain that only leaves me when you stay
and when it's sweet, you know exactly what I need
you can't be real because I can't trust how I feel
it's just too warm
that there's an eye inside your storm
but you won't deal with something that has no appeal
and so you'll go
and turn this high into a low
and I know I'm stubborn, selfish, proud
with you I even out
but you're leavin' now
-
I know I'm stubborn, selfish, proud
with you I even out
but you're leavin' now
Track Name: washed out
it could take up your time like marijuana
it could settle your fears and I'm scared that I'm gonna
say a piece of my brain I know I ought to just keep to myself, baby
I don't want to waste time making money
just to die in my sleep from old age, with nobody
sick of walking behind the milk and honey
I'm just trying to find the right route to keep walking
do I want to wash you out of my mouth
or do I want to be washed out
you can model your life on television
you can live for a lie all the while you're peddling 'em
you can shell out your heart to make a living by laying it all on the line, mama
I don't want to sound sad when I'm heaving
just to find the right tie to the hope I keep weaving
I don't want to sound too disbelieving by leaving you that as a sign
just to walk on
I don't want to wash you out of my mouth
and I don't want to be washed out
it could take up your time like heavy breathing
when you lie on your back, in the dark, hearing me leaving
you could tell me to stay instead of freezing by keeping it all to yourself, baby
I don't want to waste time when I'm dreaming
of being the one that makes your sleep-scheme uneven
when you're through making minds go careening I'm just hoping you'll want to hold hands
and keep walking
I don't want to wash you out of my mouth
and I don't want to be washed out
you could take up your time like marijuana
you could settle your fears and I'm scared that I'm gonna
say a piece of my brain I know I ought to just keep to myself, baby
I don't want to waste time making money
just to die in my sleep from old age, with nobody
sick of walking behind the milk and honey
I'm just trying to find the right route
Track Name: deadline
I'm sick of working in a place where everyone has to be the same
and when my manager comes in, he's got to read my name-tag to know my fucking name
I'll get your coffee, I'll get your fries
can I get you a side of bullshit to go with those deep-fried lies?
I'm sick of worrying if I will ever make a living off of me
so I'm putting it all on a page, and I'll record the broken image to CD
I'll get a contract to be a jerk, but it's better than having to put up with all of this bullshit work
I don't want to have a lot of friends if a friendship is based on kissing ass
as they high-five me at the bar they whisper to each other as I pass
just shut the fuck up and buy your shot
and don't you talk about me if your shit-job's all you've got
I'm going to die at thirty-five if I don't try to change my cyclic ways
I don't see the point to stay alive if my dreams will just come with me to my grave
so go ahead with your robot job
and turn and just dismiss me as a deadbeat, loser, slob
Track Name: convenience
you want me near you
when it's convenient to be my friend
you want to hold my hand
when you need it you're offering
so I shouldn't take offense when you scheme-flip
and tell me I'm the one who means most
but you don't mean it
so tell me when
you'll be there for me
and you'll see clear
you'll see
you think I'm being dumb
but I've seen this so many times
I'm not just wrapped-up in your completeness
your frozen mind
your stubborn-headedness is deceiving
stop acting kind
so I will love you when it's convenient
I'll tell you when
and you'll be there for me
and you'll see clear
you'll see
and I'll be there for me
then you'll see clear
you'll see
Track Name: airlock
spying your collective buenos vistos from afar
and pinning you beneath machine's hand-crafted eyelids
you never made something from nothing
you never made nothing
these beaches have no shores
the ardor of your predilection is the preface of extinction
to stop doing everything, it's simple, just stop paying your attention
if you look around, we're sinking
so I will build an airlock around me
and jettison everything I don't need
I will stay in my escape pod
and let no one see
Just when I think I have the things I need cupped neatly in my hands
they seem to shift right through my fingers
I know my mind is strong but thinking doesn't help me understand why I can't make good feelings linger
I will build an airlock around me
and jettison everything I don't need
I will take them in my escape pod
and let no one leave
and let no one leave
and let no one leave
Track Name: the prodigy
Well, people have been sayin' there's this kid who's got a way of singin', playin', make 'em do what he say
doesn't matter who the critic - make a skeptic optimistic
gonna turn into star any day
he has a halo around
elicits sounds that glow
if he don't die, and has a real go
he gonna turn everybody's lights low
gonna change the world with his rock n' roll
well, the parents started talkin', "what's this idol think he's startin', does he think he'll take our daughters and leave?"
they didn't even listen, so they couldn't understand that this was somethin' that was out of their league
he has a halo around
elicits sounds that glow
if he don't die, and has a real go
he gonna turn everybody's lights low
gonna change the world with his rock n' roll
so I went into the city tryin' to check out his act,
sayin', "who this little punk think he be?"
when I seen him he was somethin' that nobody could touch and he was doing things nobody could see
he has a halo around
elicits sounds that glow
if he don't die, and has a real go
he gonna turn everybody's lights low
gonna change the world with his rock n' roll
Track Name: what I need
on the road, the passing faces take me past familiar places
when I was a younger sort of seed, yes indeed
the wiley ways of troubles passed, the forcast, shadows, aftermath, they show me where to be
and they know just what I need
on the road, the steps I walk, the mouths, eyes, nose, ears - sealed with caulk,
convulse in many changing rates of speed, can't you see
the pitch-ash sprays of rotting spit pollute the air I'm speaking with
the show me where to breathe
and they know just what I need
some suggest the coming rain could carry with it untold pain, but they can't tell a trolley from a tree, darlin', please
and so unless I speak my mind, these untold ancient tales of mine will vanish with the breeze
'cause I know just what I need
Track Name: muerte mente
A big hat floats on your fat head, happy and strange, but the little monkey doesn't eat, the little monkey doesn't see, the eyes of the monkey are blind.
Lover, you are weak and strange and fake and happy. Your head is big. Your mind is dead. Your head is big. Your mind is dead.
Track Name: I can crawl
you want me to become something that I can't see becoming
and you think what I sing means nothing, but you know, I can see you humming
and you know what you're missing, honey
but instead you'll be kissing money
and you'll threaten to steal my sunbeam
take the one thing that leaves me something
take it all, I don't need a thing
I can crawl, you can keep my wings
take my heart, I'll give you all I can
but I can't part with what makes me a man
Track Name: replay
you sob when you remember that day, it was so tragic and terrible
so why would you want to replay and relive it, if it was so unbearable
you will destroy everything around you
you put yourself there, but you aren't bound to
your open-ended stories end up with you as the victim,
but you paint yourself in corners, and cut all ties when your numbers up
you will destroy everything around you
you make yourself sick, but you aren't bound to
your darkest parts are showing, I can see through the cracks in the wall put up
and when the good starts growing, you will smash it until it stops
you will destroy everything around you
you don't see that you can feel how you want to
you want to
you want to
you want to
you want to
Track Name: pumpkinhead
old grey lady grabbed a knife and carved a pumpkin head
people came from miles around to see what his face said
it had no message written for the masses, poignant and ideal,
inscribed right on that pumpkin head was something more surreal, and it read:
"I'm glad to be a squash if human beings don't feel.
I'm not as empty as the people who aren't real.
I may be a pumpkin head, words may be my face
but at least I know my fucking place,"
now pumpkin's rotted out, there's nothing to be seen
and that lady won't come out until next Halloween
when next years pumpkin spills its guts you best be sure you read
the words that she writes on his face might just be what you need, it might say:
"I'm glad to be a squash if human beings don't feel.
I'm not as empty as the people who aren't real.
I may be a pumpkin head, and words may be my face
but at least I know my fucking place,"
Track Name: act of contrition
you won't be young forever
but you'll be old and bitter
if, when your bones get brittle
you're still looking in the mirror
you can't have cold disinterest
when you're holding hands and kissing
don't speak too much to miss when you should just shut up and listen
and you sound like everyone who's coming-to
do you think that you're the only one who's going to
you can be numb forever
and find your earths are heavens
but while you're being clever
you're missing all life's best lessons
you're folding hands and praying
but you don't know what you're saying
there can't be a condition during an act of contrition
you sound like everyone who's coming-to
do you think that you're the only one who's going to
you won't be young forever
but you'll be old and bitter
if, when your bones get brittle
you're still looking in the mirror
you can't have cold disinterest
when you're holding hands and kissing
don't speak too much to miss when you should just shut up
Track Name: stay
now that I've got you here
will it all seem clear
now I got you to stare
what else is out there
now I got you to see
your eyes are crushing me
will I get you to say
that you want me to stay
with a heart like a stone
you're best left alone
I'm trying to figure me in
but you won't let me win
bets come and leave
broken heart on sleeve
what I'm trying to say
is that I want you to stay
Track Name: see you around
I know you never gave a damn about me
and so I kept pushing - look what it brought me
you're really plucking on my heart's bent harp
it's strings are all broken - look what you started
and when you finish mopping up excuses
waving from windows, jumping from bushes
maybe someday you'll remember me
the way I once was before you destroyed me
if I see you around
will you still be amid the garbage falling from your mouth
you don't even know how living without you
has made a terrorists' affect on me
I don't even flinch now - I hope you can see why
and eventually when you get older
you won't get a letter saying, "I told you,"
and maybe then you will remember me
the way I once was before you destroyed me
if I see you around, will you still be
Track Name: I hate you, go away
"you're like a book I've already read
I hate you, go away
I don't want to look at what you said
I just want to say say say say say say
I don't want to know you at all
I don't want to see your great fall
I think it happened already
and I'm missing a party, so I've got to go"
Track Name: me is the home
you wait to drink till it's after dark
because its late and it doesn't matter
and you don't think that I can read your thoughts
but I can't hate them, because you have them
giving time can only crowd your clock
you only take them when you want them
feeling fine until you blow your top
and you ain't fakin' when you're frownin
fleeing the lift
you want to put yourself
inside a prison cell
free is the gift
if you want to use it
you can let yourself be well
leave it alone
if when it makes you sick
you can't get through it
me is the home
you can come down to
when you know you're losing
touch
me only when you need my touch
I don't waste it when you grab me
and what I say doesn't matter much
yo, I can fake it - that I'm happy
I always ache when I see your cuts
I'm not ashamed to have a heart still
when you're breaking I could be your crutch
if it's a game then we're at a stand-still
fleeing the lift
you want to put yourself
inside a prison cell
free is the gift
if you want to use it
you can let yourself be well
leave it alone
if when it makes you sick
you can't get through it
me is the home
you can come down to
Track Name: done
it seems like all my plans are useless
drained of my creative juices
designed around the curse of flesh
the tissue I pulled back instead of
working hard at shoulders cried-on
someone that you could rely on
heart wrung dry and you're still crying
eye to eye can't see I'm trying
I can't be a sheep in pasture
saying after ending that you're done

sighing, holding hands are wringing
you don't hear the thoughts I'm singing
you can't feel my heart expanding
never know the words I'm chanting
all the things I see in beauty
know and love her, perfect to me
icy forms to hold a flame for nothing
as you stake the claim
you're done

I will always love the way you
hurt me then make it okay to
the blade you swing to cut my heart up
ending things you never started
you'll always have a place, my lover,
wasting time to write another
song about conditions to you
you don't care what it means, do you

done with being blamed for nothing
done collecting scars and rusting
done absorbing your depression
done being someone's possession
done refracting ultimatums
done distracting you from making
your life what you want it to be
acting like it's nothing to me

done
Track Name: bankroll
I'll blow the whole bankroll, I'll be my own boss
give out the good grace at whatever the cost
when you need a hanger,
a retainer for adhering bloody skins to,
you can look to me

I'm getting my feet wet, I'm settling in
I'll chew my own arm off, I'll peel back my skin
if you ever see through, I'll believe you
fetch a refill, I'll will feed you
you can count on me

I'll win by a landslide, I'll set my own pace
I'll build a new cult with the things I embrace
if you let the fear through, get me near you
if you need these ears to hear you
do the same for me
Track Name: make me weak
you stare you can look you can blink
you can call me insane
but you're pissing me off
you can glare you can gawk you can't think
you can call me a name
but I'm calling your bluff

I got everything you need
just listen to me speak
mama don't be greedy
you'll never make me weak

you can cry you can sob you can break
you can butter me up
but you're breaking me down
You can sigh you can throb you can wink
you can't mutter enough
when you're taking my crown

I got everything you need
just listen to me speak
mama don't be greedy
you'll never make me weak
Track Name: sweet peaches
we watch our shores receding
can't keep our whores from breeding
its a season of depression
we'll never learn our lesson
sugar teething babies
they don't need our maybes
they'll be long dead and gone
before they realize we were wrong
sweet peaches in a gel
it's easy road into hell
join the forces to learn to lust after bombshells
grams and gramps are sighing
their grandkids are trying
to be the best they can be
imitate what's on tv
moms and dads are waiting
to hell with neilson ratings
we need to stand up and fight
or we will never make things right
sweet peaches in a gel
it's an easy road into hell
join the forces to learn to lust after bombshells
lie detector testing
time to start protesting
get off your lazy asses
wipe the fog off of your glasses
be a good example
don't sell your semen sample
instill the morals in children
it's the only way that we'll win